Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Stress.

Whaaaaa?

2 days ago we briefly used the A/C - the temperature was 27 degrees Celsius in the house. Yesterday, the weather network said that it was 22, and that with the humidity it felt like 26.

Today?
It's currently 0 degrees and it's SNOWING!

And of course, I got a call to go work this afternoon... I have said no a few times in the last few weeks so I felt like I should say yes.

As soon as I did though, my stress levels went way up - I can almost feel the cortisol fill my body! I said yes to a schedule that is less than ideal, my scheduled finish time is the same as when I absolutely must leave to pick up my son at daycare to avoid picking him up late and pay late fees. I am more worried about him being the last one to get picked up though, than paying late fees...

So if everything works out perfectly then I will be on time to pick him up, but most of the time, with the work that I do, especially replacing someone and doing tasks that I am not familiar with, it is destined to fail and go long. And of course I'll be walking outside in the snow, so I'll have to slow down... I'm going to be racing all day. This is my 3rd week off, so I haven't walked in over 2 weeks now! Sigh.

The positive side is I got to eat at home first. And I'm at least going to a location I am familiar with (and I am familiar with the route to daycare from there). And I get 4 hours worth of money. And the person who's in charge of calling relief staff will not hate me for saying no, yet again.

But... gulp. it's going to be a tough day.

Wish me luck! :)

Do you ever accept work simply to avoid feeling guilty? What is your work situation like? Let me know in a comment! :)


Monday, April 14, 2014

Sugar.

Besides the general feeling of 'unwell-ness' I've mentioned in my previous post, I've recently become increasingly concerned with another aspect of my health: aging.


After having a child, I have turned the attention I used to give to my body to my child's well being. I'm sure that's something many new moms do. It might sound self centered but, I used to 'keep an eye on things' often prior to having my boy. These days, because I can spend days without looking into a mirror, I am often surprised by what I see, if that makes any sense...

I seem to have aged rather quickly recently : my hair is increasingly grey, my skin feels looser and my face, oh my face... well, it's full of freckles and very wrinkly!

At first, I thought all of this might have been related to my body bouncing back from being pregnant, but now I realize I really have been neglecting things in the following ways:

1. I've been working outside - my new job has me walk between 4-5 hours outside in all kinds of conditions - but I've only put on sunscreen at best half of the time. tsk tsk tsk.

2. This year my stress levels have peaked higher than they ever have. Not good.

3. My diet has consisted of a TON of sugar. and I've only learned recently that sugar can cause wrinkles! Oh my,  I'm in trouble!!

Here's a few links about the subject:

from Livestrong

from a blog I just discovered randomly, called ''I Quit Sugar''.


I need to commit to a better diet - and more than ever I need to find another job! I'm loving being at home these days, working on my computer, like before. I need to reduce my stress, sun exposure, and up the healthy diet. But what can I say, I also need to pay the bills...

I'm really tempted by the I Quit Sugar program, but I have no money for it now, nor will I get participation from the family on that one.

I've also been tempted by the 'Cook Smarts' program that Kath talks about...

Have you ever started a food program/diet that included a change for the whole family? How did you incorporate everybody in the change and/or did you end up having to separate meals for everybody? Tell me in a comment! :)

Friday, April 11, 2014

Ok.

So...
How did I use to do this again? hmmm...

Healthy living has suddenly become interesting to me again recently when, after a few years of just not paying attention, I became ill.

I knew something was wrong after I had an ectopic pregnancy last August. In case you are not familiar, an ectopic pregnancy is one that grows in the wrong place, outside of the uterus, most commonly in the fallopian tube. It is not viable and it is very dangerous for the mother, life threatening even, because you can end up bleeding internally from a ruptured tube.

Maybe I should give you a bit of a description of how this thing happened to me, and I will do that, but in another post.

I ended up having to end the pregnancy with a Methotrexate shot.

I felt like my body had betrayed me, I did not trust it anymore. I felt weak (literally, I think it had to do with the shot) I had lots of nausea, my breasts were still sore from being pregnant, etc. After the shot I had to take weekly blood tests to check that the HCG numbers kept going down (pregnancy hormone). It took a good 3 months. The whole 3 months I feared for my life, as I was working a very physical job, 60kms away from home.

I started worrying about everything, imagining that my body had this slow poison invading it. I pushed off getting checked up despite having crazy irregular cycles for 3 months. Had an ultrasound that revealed everything was normal down there. Pushed off going to my family doctor for almost another 3 months to get blood tests done and see what else could be wrong.

I went last week, finally, and got my results: everything is normal, except for my iron levels. They are a little low and I was asked to take a supplement.

OH MY GOODNESS!

The only thing that was wrong with me was that I wasn't taking care of myself anymore. I wasn't living a balanced life, a healthy life.

I gave my body no nutrients whatsoever - for instance, my lunch at work has consisted of 3 Fibre 1 granola bars for the past year and a half or so (it's not a good reason, but keep in mind I walk outside all day so it has to be portable/no heat/no refrigeration etc.) I started 'boredom' eating again, my favorite snack? a chocolate bar... or two... My drink of choice? Coca Cola.

Yeah, sure. I walk all day and get quite a work out. But I am not nourishing my body. I am not watching my health at all.

I currently weigh 154lbs. If you have followed me in the past, you know that this is only 4 lbs higher than the lowest I have been.

But I am nowhere near as healthy as when I was this weight last time.

Duh - have I not learned anything?

Apparently, I need to start from scratch. This time though, I don't care about my weight, I care about my health.

I've started looking up health and nutrition information websites again.

I've also started to look for work again - what I do right now is too taxing on my body and really has no future (it also leaves me with no income a third to half of each year). It's just not what I love to do. I have learned that about myself recently. I need to be challenged creatively. That being said, I can't go back to the old jobs I used to do, my reality has changed now with my son, and where we now live. I need to create my own source of income. I need to get out of my shell and create the opportunities.

I need to be healthy again, and in many ways - not just what I eat. I remember the days when I blogged about my weight loss. I wasn't just losing weight successfully, I was also practicing my brain, exercising my writing in English (not my first language!) and exercising my social skills (I basically have none.) I need to nourish my mind too!

So I want to do this blogging thing again. Anybody still here? :)

Have you ever made yourself sick just by having a negative mindset? What did you do to turn it around? Leave me a comment and let me know :)

in the meantime, here's a few pictures of my boy, he is now 3 years and 7 months old.






Tuesday, December 31, 2013

one last chance to post in 2013!

I see that I haven't updated my blog since 2012 and I didn't want to have no post at all for 2013!

Lots of things have happened in 2013, lots of change...

I changed industries (at least temporarily)
So did S.
S has gone back to school
We moved 60km west of where we lived.
I had an ectopic pregnancy :(
I subsequently gained 15 lbs and had to suddenly wean L.
L in now going to daycare in french.

L turned 3 in September!

2014 can only be better than 2013 if you ask me!

Whoever still reads this - I hope you are all doing well!

Here are a few random recent pictures.

You can follow me on instagram too: same username ;)

Happy New Year!!!







Friday, November 2, 2012

New Internets

Today we're getting a new internet connection installed which will give us more speed and I can't wait.

I forgot to do Tina's plank challenge on Wednesday, boo. I will do it today. On Monday I managed to do a 60 sec. elbow plank, woo hoo!!

But there's something else on my mind right now: there are about 10-12 people who do specifically what I do in Toronto (work-wise) and I know 8-10 of them personally. I'm happy when we all have work, which has been challenging recently because the industry has been slow, but right now I'm finding out some of them are getting gigs in companies where I have been working hard to get in. I'm sure they've been working just as hard to get the job, and really it's nice that some of them get work, but I can't help but feel depressed about it all. I know it's not the case, but it's like I am no good at it anymore. It's like I'm completely out of the loop now and it sucks. there. I said it :)

I guess that's what I get for being a woman, a mom to a young child, in an industry where there are 8 gigs for 12 people. sigh. I gave my 'spot' away when I went on mat leave. :(

Friday, October 26, 2012

Tina's Plank Challenge - Week 1 complete!

About Tina's Plank Challenge: read this for details.

So on Monday I did 30 seconds of the plank. Yup I could not hold any longer! :P

Wednesday I attempted the 8 minute plank/core workout that she posted and I was successful at doing an abbreviated version as follows:

30 seconds of elbow plank
3 up/down planks
30 seconds straight arm plank
2 up/down planks (other side)
rest (oh, yeah, that was nice :)
20 plank knee crunches (for some reason that wasn't to hard for me...)
and that's it.
I didn't repeat it as she suggested, I was just spent!

And today, I beat monday's time: I did a 45 seconds plank!

The plank is about the only kind of exercise I can do right now, as I have a mysterious knee injury that has been bothering me since last wednesday. I have trouble bending it... so it's nice.

I can really feel my belly muscles, they are sore - a good kind of sore though:)

I like this challenge, short and sweet - just what this mama needs! :)

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Puzzled

I feel so confused these days.

I have been outside of my 'industry' since january, working in something I had been meaning to try for a very long time. Let's just say that now I get paid to more or less walk all day! I don't want to say more because, again, I prefer to keep my work life separate from my personal life... Aka I don't want work people to read my blog...

It's very different from the high stress creative job I had before (I worked on various TV and film productions as an editor.) But is it better? Not sure. The only thing that is better right now is the job security I get - as an editor you are constantly working towards making sure you get called again for up-coming productions, you rarely work more than 6 months to a year on the same project, so it's like constantly looking for a job. You usually get paid by the week, no matter how much over the 8 hours a day you work. If there's a big delivery coming, you work until it's ready. If it takes you until after 2am because you have to wait for other departments to give you material, you have to stay. You're in charge of your department, the whole production ultimately comes together through your hands, so it makes sense...

I worked for 12 years non-stop to build my career (I like to say whine that in those 12 years I have had a total of 6 weeks off) I felt lucky that I was working so much, so I kept going. But my stress was up there, constantly, all that time. I liked the creative aspect of that job, but constantly doubted my abilities. Some projects I've worked on I am proud of and had a blast doing, others were a bit less inspiring, but had promising outcomes: the potential for more work afterwards.

Then I had a baby.

The thought of going back to work in the industry was so scary to me. I felt like the level of commitment to the work that is needed to do the job, I just couldn't bring to the table anymore. I wanted to put in my 8 hours and go home. And preferably on the same schedule every day.

So I gave this other opportunity a try - saying no to some editing work, letting go of some networking 'keeping-in-touch' work... My was that tough. But this new job promised more or less 8 hours, mostly day time... a uniform and a no prep work 'look' aka hair in a pony tail, hurray for no daily hair torture straightening!

But it's not a permanent position, and I am on call covering for people who go on vacation, so I don't work all the time...

In between working weeks I have been trying to get back to editing. And...

I have been unsuccessful.

Wow. I have not been out of work for 12 years, yet I have not been able to find work since January. I have been to a few interviews, sent out hundreds of applications and resumes, let everybody in my small network of contacts know that I am looking for work... Nothing.

Now I am just puzzled. Am I any good? Is the industry just slow these days? Is it time I develop my own stuff? I am not inspired, I don't know what to do.

I used to come here and talk about my work towards becoming healthier, but right now I don't know how I can go back to that. Go back to that place where I could focus on eating right and exercising (I do walk for 4-6 hours everyday after all, so I'm not too worried in that sense... :)

I don't think I'm the same person anymore. I have trouble figuring out who I am now. I almost feel at times like I am letting go of things I worked hard to get even though I have no real plan, and that's scary.

or maybe it's just the leaves changing color and a bad case of pms? :)

But I do miss my blogging days, and the lovely ladies from the blogging community... I hope you are all well!!



And now, here's a few instagram shots of my beautiful baby L who's not really a baby anymore. I love him to bits. I'm 'cinemarie' on instagram too...











Wednesday, October 24, 2012

For all it's worth...

I've done a couple of days worth of Tina's plank challenge.
It was, you know, challenging...

L is 25 months old now.

We're moving soon.

I've changed jobs/industry (temporarily... or not... gotta figure this out)

Lots more personal things have happened... things are certainly changing a lot over here...

How have you all been? :)

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