Continued.

My ectopic pregnancy story, part 2. There may be some TMI stuff, and it's going to be a long read, so you've been warned :)

part 1

After not seeing a baby in my uterus at the emergency care, they decided to send me to the hospital (ER) telling me that they would send out my information and that I would meet with an OBGYN to discuss the next steps.

It was around noon at that point so I asked if I could stop to eat at home first, she hesitated said it was unlikely they would do any 'procedure' today so she said to do it but go to the hospital asap afterwards.

I got to the triage, explained that I was sent from 'emergency care' and that an OBGYN doctor should have my info about my suspected ectopic pregnancy and that I was supposed to discuss things with them. I thought somehow that they would get some straight forward info that they could look up, get what the story was and take me straight to that OBGYN to get it over with...

But they had me talk to a 'random' ER doctor first, to whom I had to explain everything from scratch again 'I'm supposed to meet this OBGYN for a discussion' I kept saying...

After some waiting, a nurse came to get me and asked me to follow her. We sort of entered the area of ER where they have bed and waiting rooms and where every one waits to be treated and seen by doctors... She then asks me to sit in a chair that looks more like a treatment chair than a sitting room chair - you know the ones that look like a sofa with the little table attached to it, like when they do blood work? She explains to me that she's going to put an IV into my arm.

WHAT?!!!!

My heart started pounding with the panic growing inside of me.

What do you mean? Why?

'I was asked to put in an IV, it's just for fluids to make sure you're staying hydrated'

I said 'This is starting to sound pretty serious, I was told I was just going to discuss with a doctor!'

She said she didn't know anything beyond the request to put me on an IV.

After hours of waiting and calming down from the panic, I saw a resident doctor who asked me for details, this time I carefully told her everything. After more waiting, I saw her and a more senior resident and finally, I got a pelvic exam and some information.

Nothing felt off on the 'inside' and I was looking normal, so they explained that it could still be ectopic, but that it could also still be a viable pregnancy. A lot of pregnancies start with some discomfort, some spotting, and that we'd have to wait and see because at that point, it was too early to see anything on the ultrasound (I learned then that by 1500-2000 HCG levels the ultrasound should be able to see something, but not much before then. And I was only at 766.)

I was asked to come back two days later (Saturday) to get another blood test and another ultra sound. The HCG levels should double by then, so there would be a better chance that we would be able to see something on the ultra sound.

I was however told to come right back to the ER if I was getting signs of my condition getting worse. Because essentially, with an ectopic pregnancy what happens is the egg implants itself in the wrong place (most often in the fallopian tube). If your pregnancy is in the tube and it grows there the tube will burst and you will start bleeding internally. So it is very serious, it is life threatening.

I was told that if I started to bleed internally, I might feel dizzy, nauseated, weak, I would bleed vaginally, I would potentially also feel shoulder tip pain. (If blood starts bothering the organs inside your body, there's a 'mechanism' that makes the tip of your shoulder hurt in a strange way, apparently.)

They gave me a note not to work the next day and asked that I do not exert myself. But that it would possibly still be a normal pregnancy so 'don't worry too much about it'.

That's the point when my mind started to take over my body in a negative way. I was in a state of mental panic, of paranoia.

I did hypno birthing before and I learned all about how if you are calm and confident and focused, you can pretty much have a painless birth experience. And it worked for me 100%. (I'm realizing I never posted my birth story - I should do that soon! Let me know if that is of any interest to you in the comments below)

Your mind is a hugely powerful thing, and I was beginning to experience the flip side of this, the negative effects of what your mind can do to your body. And that would last for many months. I didn't realize at the time that I would still be struggling with this off an on, to this day.

If you are extremely worried, and only thinking about feeling out your body and what could go wrong with it, first of all you are 'cramping' yourself up, and you will certainly feel pain in strange places. If you focus a lot on feeling out whether you have pain in your shoulder, and spend days just worrying about it, chances are you WILL feel pain in your shoulder.

I spent many days worrying about death, feeling like my body was no longer 'trustworthy'. I didn't know anymore if my 'mind' was trustworthy. What's the correct diagnosis here, my shoulder hurts, my belly hurts. Am I over reacting, or am I dismissing something that could be serious? I didn't know anymore.

The only thing I could tell at first was that I didn't seem to be getting worse really, and that if I managed to calm down and think of something else for a bit, and then truly and honestly evaluate my body, I felt somewhat normal.

to be continued.