How did I use to do this again? hmmm...
Healthy living has suddenly become interesting to me again recently when, after a few years of just not paying attention, I became ill.
I knew something was wrong after I had an ectopic pregnancy last August. In case you are not familiar, an ectopic pregnancy is one that grows in the wrong place, outside of the uterus, most commonly in the fallopian tube. It is not viable and it is very dangerous for the mother, life threatening even, because you can end up bleeding internally from a ruptured tube.
Maybe I should give you a bit of a description of how this thing happened to me, and I will do that, but in another post.
I ended up having to end the pregnancy with a Methotrexate shot.
I felt like my body had betrayed me, I did not trust it anymore. I felt weak (literally, I think it had to do with the shot) I had lots of nausea, my breasts were still sore from being pregnant, etc. After the shot I had to take weekly blood tests to check that the HCG numbers kept going down (pregnancy hormone). It took a good 3 months. The whole 3 months I feared for my life, as I was working a very physical job, 60kms away from home.
I started worrying about everything, imagining that my body had this slow poison invading it. I pushed off getting checked up despite having crazy irregular cycles for 3 months. Had an ultrasound that revealed everything was normal down there. Pushed off going to my family doctor for almost another 3 months to get blood tests done and see what else could be wrong.
I went last week, finally, and got my results: everything is normal, except for my iron levels. They are a little low and I was asked to take a supplement.
OH MY GOODNESS!
The only thing that was wrong with me was that I wasn't taking care of myself anymore. I wasn't living a balanced life, a healthy life.
I gave my body no nutrients whatsoever - for instance, my lunch at work has consisted of 3 Fibre 1 granola bars for the past year and a half or so (it's not a good reason, but keep in mind I walk outside all day so it has to be portable/no heat/no refrigeration etc.) I started 'boredom' eating again, my favorite snack? a chocolate bar... or two... My drink of choice? Coca Cola.
Yeah, sure. I walk all day and get quite a work out. But I am not nourishing my body. I am not watching my health at all.
I currently weigh 154lbs. If you have followed me in the past, you know that this is only 4 lbs higher than the lowest I have been.
But I am nowhere near as healthy as when I was this weight last time.
Duh - have I not learned anything?
Apparently, I need to start from scratch. This time though, I don't care about my weight, I care about my health.
I've started looking up health and nutrition information websites again.
I've also started to look for work again - what I do right now is too taxing on my body and really has no future (it also leaves me with no income a third to half of each year). It's just not what I love to do. I have learned that about myself recently. I need to be challenged creatively. That being said, I can't go back to the old jobs I used to do, my reality has changed now with my son, and where we now live. I need to create my own source of income. I need to get out of my shell and create the opportunities.
I need to be healthy again, and in many ways - not just what I eat. I remember the days when I blogged about my weight loss. I wasn't just losing weight successfully, I was also practicing my brain, exercising my writing in English (not my first language!) and exercising my social skills (I basically have none.) I need to nourish my mind too!
So I want to do this blogging thing again. Anybody still here? :)
Have you ever made yourself sick just by having a negative mindset? What did you do to turn it around? Leave me a comment and let me know :)
in the meantime, here's a few pictures of my boy, he is now 3 years and 7 months old.